Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Poem by Derek Walcott:

the time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome.
and say, sit here. eat.
you will love again the stranger who is yourself.
give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger
who has loved you.
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
take down the love letters from the bookshelf.
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
sit. feast on YOUR life.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

4 my 4 (part I)

Hey Guys,
We just celebrated our fourth holiday season as a family of 5. It's hard to believe how fast the years have flown! Now, ages 12,10,71/2 and 6, you are active participants in everything from the cooking to the cleaning and even the wrapping. We are a team - a winning team!

Do you realize the journey you have taken? Since 2005, you have packed and moved 3 times! (4, if you include the months at Nana and Poppy's) You have stood by as The Mom navigated two quarantines and surgery. You have attended three different schools! You bravely hopped an airplane for an unknown land and made a foreign place your home. You have grown from clingy, scared children into confident, kind and hardworking people.

Jammers, it was not that long ago that you secretly packed snack bags and went door to door selling treats to make money to buy The Mom a Christmas present. You came home with $15 that day! Now, you babysit. You are a wonderful flutist who entertains us with beautiful music. You are a service club member, a friend, a caretaker and a big sister. You are 12. Sometimes you are a wise guy with a tone that makes The Mom frown. You have spent a good deal of time with lost privilages because of that tone! (Secretly, I know it's normal. I was no different at 12, but I can't tell you that!) You love the outdoors and spend hours and hours exploring, biking and skateboarding. You toughed out that gym class you despised everyday without a complaint and you now run miles. I never have to tell you to do your homework - it's usually done before I even ask. A voracious reader, I can't get books fast enough before you finish them. I love your creativity and, although you still have that funny fascination with little tiny pieces of paper that drives me crazy, you make beautiful things. You taught your sister to ride her bike and your brother to start reading. The miles you've journied, my precious girl.

Liney......When we began this journey you were such an anxious soul you would vomit at the drop of a hat! Do you remember when you were the sheep in the Christmas play and you exited the progression, went to the bathroom to throw-up and got back on line to perform?!?!?! We still laugh at that, don't we? This Christmas, you and your trumpet could not get on that stage fast enough to the pleasure of the BIG crowd watching. You took a lead role in the Rome Play, you went away to camp for a week and you and your neighbors performed a New Years concert for the neighborhood on the driveway! You are so very nurturing to your younger siblings and neighbors and you are an amazing student and artist. Someday, my friend, you will actually have to put in some effort to get those terrific grades, but for now, you have it easy! Your art work is so beautiful that other parents constantly tell me about your talent. You are a beautiful writer and creator. You too, love the outdoors and I love seeing my lazy girl frolicking on the streets with her siblings and friends. That bike has logged many, many miles!!!!! You are still my little diva and the shopping queen, but you are learning (slowly) that money does not have to burn a hole in your pocket - delayed gratification is a good thing and the rewards are greater. Liney, you are a friend, a talent and an intellect. What will you become?

Puddin': The baby who never cried; you are still smiling. There has never been a child with a better attitude, a happier disposition or a kinder heart. We began this journey when you were just four years old - barely out of diapers! Now, look at you! You have worked so hard that you are reading, you are playing sports - you worked for hours until you mastered that bicycle. Some things are a bit harder for you and you treat each and every one with a smile - even encouraging your younger brother without a hint of jealousy. You are most noted for your funny "one liners" (at least one makes it back to me in the hallways at school each day!), your smile, your wonderful ability to make friends and your perseverence. Everyone who knows you, loves you. You are an actress and you love the stage. You were the star of many a film this year as the teachers had to produce podcasts - everyone wanted to use you and you soaked up every minute! You sing beautifully and all day and night. You love Brownies, theater, art and music and you love people. You are the first to hit the sheets at night and the last to awake in the morning. You keep us all laughing, laughing, laughing. I am so proud of you, dear Puddin'! You want to be a pop star someday and y'know what, with your talent and charisma, you just might be!

The Boy: could life be any easier for you?!?! You've been "all mine" since you were just two years old - the sole boy in an all girl world. That doesn't stop you one bit. Snakes, sports, school - you've got it all under control and you smile and laugh endlessly. Before you could walk, you used to peddle your tiny trike around the house to get from here to there so it was no surprise when you took the training wheels off your big two wheeler and took off down the street in seconds. You love balls, you love dirt, you love art and you love teasing your sisters! You took that tarantula out of it's cage to dangle in front of the girls just to hear them scream! (Secretly, I was laughing inside even though I had to intervene!) You amaze me, little guy. Nothing stops you from succeeding and you are fearless. Still, with all of your confidence and talent, you crawl beside Mom in the middle of the night to sleep - your little arm wrapped around me and your feet tucked under. That's okay. I know you won't want anything to do with me when you are 12 so I eat it up inside. Watching you grow has has been a pleasure. You will do great things one day, my son!

My four babies, you make me laugh, you make me cry and sometimes, you make me scream; but you always make me proud. Our life is not always easy. Sometimes it scrambled eggs for dinner until pay day. You don't mind. You take it all in stride. Life has taught you those lessons early and, believe it or not, those lessons will make life easier as you grow. You understand that you must work hard for the things you want and that hard work pays off. Nothing has been handed to you and you have learned to appreciate the things that you have.

While I would not have chosen this journey for you, many good things have come from it. We have a long way to go, but this team will make it - together.

I love you all very much,
Mom

Friday, January 2, 2009

Reflecting on 08'

'Last year started on a bad note. I should have known.......

My trip home 12 months ago was wrought with an amazing lot of "stuff." ( Family stuff, money stuff, friend stuff!) Truly, I wanted the plane back home - fast!

This year I've lost many, found many and met many. I was accused of things that didn't occur,
( I don't defend myself well, but.......) I was in court again....(and no, I have no control over the outcome friends , he is as protected as am I) I wasn't sure who I was at times, I said so-long to dear friends and I met new friends. (My heart still holds a place for those that have moved on.) I always want to do the right thing and at times, I don't know what that is. Sometimes I did the wrong thing. Sometimes dear friends couldn't deal with the right thing - they couldn't deal with the truth. I was there once too and sometimes I awake in the middle of the night and question where I am.

I have to do what is right for me and my family - regardless of popular opinion. AND we are in a great place! I am not out to impress anyone and that realization was the liberation.

I have had the most beautiful New Year!

My kids did a concert on the driveway and the neighbors (Bless their hearts), pulled out the lawn chairs and supported the cause!

I have reconnected with so many people, I am speechless.

I have the BEST neighborhood a single mom could ever hope for! (The kids play from morning til' nite!)

I have no complaints!

I wish you all a most wonderful New Year and to those that have moved on, I miss you and will always hold you dear in my heart. I wish you the same. No heart feelings. No regrets.
I will always be here for you if you need me.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

I'm All About Humor

I love to laugh. I can take just about any situation in life and I can find humor. It's probably my best quality - among others......:)
However, as my kids reach the preteen, difficult years - I'm not laughing.

It's hard to be the single disciplinarian in a child's life. I look mean much of the time! I don't want to be mean, but the kids need boundaries and rules and all of that yucky stuff we hated when we were their ages.

They don't argue with the consequences. They know.

What I remind them (and myself) is that it is easier NOT to discipline. Their behavior makes my life HARDER. Because I LOVE them, I must intervene, correct and redirect - 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

When I have the chance, I take a short nap so I can get up and do it all over again. (They usually wake me during this slumber with a silly question......)

SO I laugh cause it's all just so silly. Tomorrow I will be on the very same journey.

It's the ticked I signed for! I love them even though they make me very, very crazy!!!!!!!