What is there to say?

Two of my daughters celebrate birthdays this week. One makes sure the world knows about it - weeksandweeksandweeks ahead of time and has a list a mile long of desires, wants and wishes. The other, is more humble about it - wishing to be remembered from the "outside" by others who show her that she is in their thoughts. She waits until asked to share her desires. She wonders about the little surprises that may await.

That said, she also is easily disappointed and brought to anger when she feels forgotten. I get it - I used to be the very same way. My expectations of people were, well......I expected to receive the same "love" I put out there. If someone said they would "call me later" I was offended when later never came.

With maturity and experience; the busyness of life, I lost that trait. I no longer expect anything from anyone and am, quite frankly, surprised when I am remembered, thought about or considered at all!!! :) Such is life raising four kids alone!!!!!

Well, for my beautiful adolescent, life hasn't taught those lessons yet. She is struggling tonight - and has been for a few days with disappointment. Her father can't purchase both birthday gifts at once, but rather than explaining that fact, they have been arguing - the problem, in her eyes, being refocused on her. Oh that I could give her just a piece of the lessons I've learned dealing with this very situation for the past three years!!!!!!!

She is not a "BRAT" as she has been called multiple times in the past few days - just a kid that wants her parents as excited about her big day as she is!!!!!! A kid, that just once, wants to feel that she is remembered and considered and loved unconditionally by both of her parents.

So, I sit here tonight speechless. To say we go through these motions every year is pointless. To try to explain projection and denial - just as worthless. For me to bring up those angry and hurt emotions - backsliding; and quite honestly, I fall into a place of apathy rather than anger now. Heck, I've spent years in therapy trying to understand these things myself and my old, wise person still gets frustrated at times. (Hence the reason I no longer even try to foster the conversations anymore!)

These situations no longer make my blood boil. I am in a good place where I offer my child advice and an unconditional ear - I want her to resolve these conflicts, not remain paralyzed by them. They no longer keep us up until the wee hours and although she had some pretty HARSH words on her lips tonight, she was quickly settled and our house has moved on. In fact, she has already placed a call to discuss her feelings now that the anger has somewhat subsided. She's a faster learner than I ever was!!!!! :)

Really, there is little I can say and her evaluation of the situation was spot on. I just listen and listen and listen and really, that's all that she needs.