All Together Alone: Doing the right thing - because I want to

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Doing the right thing - because I want to

The boy said to me today, "I don't have a real daddy." It broke my heart. Really.
I responded saying, "You have a wonderful Daddy. You just had a great trip to NY and it was a wonderful time with Dad!"
Response: "But I don't have a real dad like the other kids." \
Choke.....Sigh......Tear......
No.....he doesn't.

Wnen Daddy called tonight, the kids asked if he was coming for their birthdays. I had been thinking about this for awhile, silently pondering how I would deal with this as money for both of us is tight, tight TIGHT!!!!!!

We now have a downstairs bedroom and, quite honestly, neither of us has a dime to spare and I know that.

So, I buckled down and offered the room - something I've been pondering late at night for weeks - I went out on a limb on behalf of wonderful kids and Dad does, in fact, have a place to say if he so chooses. I know many would call me a fool, but really, who wins and who loses? Is it about the adults or the children? (Silently, the best thing I ever did was to get rid of the staunch critics!)

So many would call me a fool, but really it's all about them and seeing their dad is the most important thing.
I'm happy - not sorry, guys!
And yes....I do hope he takes the offer on behalf of our WONDERFUL childrem!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...: Good for you. You are once again doing the right thing, not the popular thing. I too hope he takes you up on the offer.; August 25, 2008 at 7:34 AM

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I was married to a wonderful man. In fact, I married my very best friend and when he first expressed romantic interest in me, I politely declined as the fear of losing that friendship was more important to me than storybook love. He continued to pursue and eventually I gave in and for the next 15 years, I truly had fun. So sure was I that we were a forever couple, we had our wedding bands tattooed for our tenth anniversary as an "off beat renewing of our vows." During those ten years, we had four beautiful children and I was the girl who never complained about her husband. Seriously, I have friends who will shake their heads in shock to this day because I never, EVER said a bad word about this guy. He was a devoted family man, a great father, good for a laugh, loyal, trustworthy and fun to be with. His children adored him so much that when he entered the house after a long day at work, I became invisible. He participated in the town government, the school PTA, was the chief of the YMCA Indian Guides and Princesses, and was loved by all. I had the guy that the rest of the world envied.

In less than a year after that famed tattoo anniversary, he was gone. One day, he just came home and said, "I'm done." Done?!?! Done with US?!?!

Oh, he was done alright! He was done with everything! He packed a small overnight bag, a tennis racket, his motorcycle and disappeared leaving no forwarding address. There I was with four children ages 2-8 and the only contact I had with their father was a cell phone he rarely answered. We were in the process of moving and renovating a new home - a home he had carefully chosen every piece of molding and appliance for and.....he was DONE! (a private investigator later revealed my unsung fears - he was having an affair with that girl at work I had warned him about!)

Within a matter of months, he lost his job, we lost our home, and it wasn't long before I learned that court orders and agreements meant little to this guy - this wonderful guy I never said a bad word about. IF we received support, it arrived late. IF he came to see the children, he arrived late - and returned early. What happened to Super Daddy, the hero to all?!

Well, it's now 4 1/2 years later. I am the solo parent to the same four beautiful children - now ages 13-7. We live in a beautiful area on very little money, but we are still going strong. The children will visit with Dad in 2 weeks for the first time in 6 months (save for another post!) and last year WE BOUGHT OUR OWN HOME!!!! Not bad on a measly teacher's salary! Support is now not only ordered, it is GARNISHED and guess what, I still have that damn tattoo! (Simply because the cost of removal is a bit more than I can justify.)

I've searched many sites on the web for support and guidance, have read numerous books and received much advice (some a lot better than others) during this never ending journey. What I haven't found was a place that simply offered dialog to others who are traversing this isolated journey that only those who live can understand.

So, welcome to my feeble attempt to provide a place of laughter and support to others, who like me are All Together Alone.

Peace,

Debbie