Thinking Outloud Tonight.....

It was 3 1/2 years ago when the bomb dropped on my life. Cancer and divorce all in one giant swoop. I tried to stand strong, but truthfully, my broken heart and the advice of well meaning friends kept me angry and fighting. It wasn't fair. We really lost everything, but eachother. I can live with little. I wasn't raised in grandeur, but when you are fighting to feed your kids....well....there's not much to say.

What makes me different is that I do not choose to teach lessons or hold grudges. There's too much energy laden in that path. It's not my job. Funny, it is also something that my ex-husband had more difficulty with than I when dealing with certain family members of mine. People go through "stuff" and behave badly - I am no exception. When people change their behavior, the fight is over for me. Not so for some of my friends and I understand that, but for me...well....it's about the outcome.

The economy is a disaster. Add divorce to the already dismal mix and all in our shoes are struggling to make ends meet. I am one of the lucky people who has a family that knows that I don't shout out for help unless necessary and when I do, they respond immediately which I am eternally grateful for. Y'see, I do whatever I can before I ask and it is known that I am honest and trustworthy with the payback. I'm proud of that.

I'm also proud that I can see past the ugliness of the past years on behalf of my kids. Yes, there are many that would call me a fool. Okay. But my kids get one shot at being KIDS and I want it to be the very best journey I can provide. I want their dad involved in their life and I want it to be easy.

Their dad is arriving late tomorrow night for a weekend visit. We have a separate bed and bath downstairs that my dear daughter has been preparing all week for the guest. We have a kitchen and a playgound in the neighborhood. We have sunshine and friends and hot air balloons on the horizon in the morning and gorgeous sunsets in the eve. It's home.

I'm proud of them and also of their dad for putting differences aside to make the future brighter.

I hope that this weekend will be as wonderful as the anticipation leading up to it and look forward to posting a positive outcome.