Single Parent Life

This is an email I received....much like many of you have privately shared.  I share my responses to help those of you still caught in "the cycle."

I love the children and they know that. (Because I reinforce this every single day - NOT because of you!)   Stop fabricating and stop fabricating in public (blog) really what is the purpose of making it public, do you need the attention that badly or is how you believe your own lies? (It is not a fabrication.  (These are not lies.  No, not for attention, but the support I receive makes me stronger and that is what I need when we deal with late payments, struggles and everyday life that you know nothing of.) My children know how I much I love them but for your own selfish reasons you continue to play devils advocate with a relationship you have nothing to do with. (No......I speak the truth.  I'm an advocate, yes....not the devil's advocate.  It is for your own selfish reasons that you think otherwise.)  That's right the relationship is between myself and my children, not you. (Yes it is!  So you had better kick it up a notch buddy.  These kids have dealt with more than you have ever known!)  Please feel free NOT to respond.  (Easy request.  The mirror hurts sometimes.)

(PS: If you don't like my interpretations, you are FREE to stay elsewhere and rent a car!!!!!  No one tied you down!!!!!!  Oh yeah......you forgot to include my generosity in your email.  There are other options in the area.  I am kind to you - you are not to me.)
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

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A Message......

Dear Dad,

Whether you realize it or not, we've been counting the days down until your visit.  We have bragged to our friends that you are coming and have planned an imaginary fantasy weekend in our heads about how perfect our time together would be.  We anxiously awoke on Friday morning anticipating your arrival a few hours later.  The day had finally come.

We know that you are used to doing things your own way, on your own schedule, the way you want to do them.  We only see you 3 or 4 times per year and for a few days at best.  You are not used to having a gaggle of kids around who are fighting for your undivided attention.  We know that you still think of us as "little kids;" you left us a long time ago.  We've been growing and developing since you left and we are not the same people we once were, just as you are not.

Dad, in the little time we have together, please don't call us names.   Please refrain from losing your temper, from calling us "stupid," and "baby;" from criticizing what we eat or where we find pleasure.  Don't punish us for trying to turn our time together into a vacation.....of wanting to laugh and make memories with you on our terms.  Please don't put down our pets, our toys, and Dad, please don't try to imply that you are going to ground us if we don't do as you say.  We will be lucky if we see you again one more time before Christmas.  These are empty threats with no meaning......in fact, they sound silly to our adolescent ears.

Happiness is how you interpret what's in front of you; how willing you are to enjoy simple pleasures even if things aren't perfect.  Your response to problems is one indicator of how much you have stabilized since the divorce.  Blaming sets up a situation in which it is difficult to move forward.  Maybe you just need to hear it again; to us you are phenomenal and you are loved and appreciated.

We need to hear that too.

As we get older, our relationship will continue to change.  You can be lulled into a false sense of security.  It's challenging to know what is important and what is not, but knowing that helps.  We want a future with you, Dad.  Let it go and make our time together happy and joyous.  You are not going to step in on a random basis and command the respect you think you deserve, but we try.  We are kids.  We are victims in this situation.  It is up to you to right the wrongs and build the memories that will encourage our future relationship, not us.

Dad, we want nothing more than to see you more, to speak with you more often and to feel your unconditional love.  We want our time together to be fun and special.  We want you to be our father.

Love,
Your kids