Sunday, April 18, 2010

A Message......

Dear Dad,

Whether you realize it or not, we've been counting the days down until your visit.  We have bragged to our friends that you are coming and have planned an imaginary fantasy weekend in our heads about how perfect our time together would be.  We anxiously awoke on Friday morning anticipating your arrival a few hours later.  The day had finally come.

We know that you are used to doing things your own way, on your own schedule, the way you want to do them.  We only see you 3 or 4 times per year and for a few days at best.  You are not used to having a gaggle of kids around who are fighting for your undivided attention.  We know that you still think of us as "little kids;" you left us a long time ago.  We've been growing and developing since you left and we are not the same people we once were, just as you are not.

Dad, in the little time we have together, please don't call us names.   Please refrain from losing your temper, from calling us "stupid," and "baby;" from criticizing what we eat or where we find pleasure.  Don't punish us for trying to turn our time together into a vacation.....of wanting to laugh and make memories with you on our terms.  Please don't put down our pets, our toys, and Dad, please don't try to imply that you are going to ground us if we don't do as you say.  We will be lucky if we see you again one more time before Christmas.  These are empty threats with no meaning......in fact, they sound silly to our adolescent ears.

Happiness is how you interpret what's in front of you; how willing you are to enjoy simple pleasures even if things aren't perfect.  Your response to problems is one indicator of how much you have stabilized since the divorce.  Blaming sets up a situation in which it is difficult to move forward.  Maybe you just need to hear it again; to us you are phenomenal and you are loved and appreciated.

We need to hear that too.

As we get older, our relationship will continue to change.  You can be lulled into a false sense of security.  It's challenging to know what is important and what is not, but knowing that helps.  We want a future with you, Dad.  Let it go and make our time together happy and joyous.  You are not going to step in on a random basis and command the respect you think you deserve, but we try.  We are kids.  We are victims in this situation.  It is up to you to right the wrongs and build the memories that will encourage our future relationship, not us.

Dad, we want nothing more than to see you more, to speak with you more often and to feel your unconditional love.  We want our time together to be fun and special.  We want you to be our father.

Love,
Your kids

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