Saturday, November 29, 2008

What you learn when the going gets real tough.....

Who your real friends are.....
How many lives you touch without even realizing you do.....
How many lives touch yours.....
That you are thought about.....
That others care about your ups and downs,as you do theirs....
That you are remembered as you remember.....
That what goes around DOES come around.....

That you are loved both near and far as you love too.

I have been stunned this week with the contacts, the outpouring, the friendship, the concern and the overwhelming support from people throughout the globe. This is one of the most beautiful holiday seasons I can remember in a VERY long time.

THANKFUL!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Spending Time with Family? Try These....

If someone upsets you, think......"Thanks, it's time I lose those expectations."

Someone who doesn't take your view into account,think...."That's okay. I was once like that."

If they lie to you, think...."I'm sorry you feel that need."

If they are rude to you, think...."Cheer up. It'll be okay."

If they judge you, think.... "Thanks for sharing your truth."

....And if they greet you with love and a smile.....smile back!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Garbage

Everyone has a certain amount of garbage.


Your garbage is your garbage.

Those people in our lives...have garbage too.
If we try to clean up "their" garbage....
we end up injured.
It's not our mess to clean up, it's theirs.

You are never in relationship to clean up someone else's garbage...they will clean it up on their own.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Suggestions for a Brighter Tomorrow


* There is life after this marriage
As hard as it is to believe right now, one day this marriage will just be something you did once. You'll go on and you'll have what you create.

* Get out of denial
Ask yourself: Did you really want that marriage, or were you hanging onto it out of fear? If being alone is a scarier thought than staying in a broken marriage, you're letting fear make your decisions. Are you mourning the loss of what your marriage was, or what you thought marriage would be?
* Don't burn daylight
Grieving doesn't have a time frame on it, but life does. Whether you realize it or not, life is marching on. There comes a time when you have to accept the fact and say, "I've got to get on with my life, I've got to get on with raising my children, I've got to get on with putting things together where I can be a happy, meaningful, productive member of society." Find a way to put one foot in front of the other and move forward.

* Take the catastrophic language out of your mind
"My life is over," "I've lost everything," and "Things are horrible" are labels that can have a powerful impact on how you feel. Recognize that it's factually not true. Your life isn't over, it's just a new beginning for you. Changing the negative tapes that run in your head can change how you physically feel.

* Don't waste time with regret
At some point you have to say, "It is what it is." You can't do anything about what you did before; but you can do a lot about what you're doing now.

* Be an example for your children
What kind of mom do you think your kids are experiencing when you're sitting around and crying and looking over your shoulder at what was instead of what is?



You've accepted it. Now it's time to jumpstart your life!



* Define a new relationship with your ex for your children
Your old relationship was husband and wife, your new relationship is as common allies of your children.

* Talk to your kids
Divorce can create emotional wounds in children. Talk to them about what's going on, what they're feeling, and how things will get better. Involve them. If they know there are things they can do to help this transition, it will give them a feeling of power.

* Make a plan
Assess your situation financially, look at your resources to see what your options are in terms of housing, job and finances.

* Create a support squad
Ask for help. People appreciate being asked for help. It's a gift to them to allow them to be there for you. Create a support squad of your closest friends who won't mind providing you with positive emotional support, professional guidance and ongoing inspiration. Realize that you're not the first person to go through this.

* Get your resources and assets around you
Do everything you can to program yourself for success. Find out what your strengths and skills are and focus on them to help move you in a new and positive direction. Everybody has a personal truth — what you believe about yourself when nobody's watching. Remember that you will create the results in life that you believe you deserve.

* Make time for yourself
Make a priority to be a little selfish and do something just for yourself. The most important gift you can give your children is to take care of their parents. Try a new class, start exercising, or reconnect with an old hobby you've forgotten about.

* Make your dream home
It's not the end of the world if you have to change houses. Know that you and your kids are going to create memories there and that's what makes it a dream home.

* Find your authentic self
Although you may no longer be one half of a couple, you are still 100 percent the person who you are. Find that person again.

* Find your passion
What is it that will make you excited to get out of bed every day? Make a list of what you can do to reach your goals.

* Have some joy with your kids
Choose to live with some fun in your new life. Create new memories with your children that will carry them into the future with self-esteem, confidence and happiness.

* Protect yourself in the future
It's important to always look at a relationship and ask yourself, "What's it costing me to be in this relationship?" If you totally lose yourself in it, then the cost is too high.

Most importantly.....live for today. Yesterday is in the past, tomorrow may never come, but today is a gift - that's why it's called the present!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Best Gifts We Can Give Our Children

With the holiday's right around the corner and the economy in despair, this Christmas will surely be lean. Giving thought to the truly important gifts we bestow on our children every day........

THE GIFT OF LOVE, CARE AND UNDERSTANDING. Children need unconditional love, tender care and sincere understanding from parents. There maybe other people who can show love, care and understanding to them but it is no comparable to what parents can give. For coming from parents is something unlimited, no time boundaries and genuine.

THE GIFT OF HEALTH AND SAFETY. It is our basic responsibility as parents to ensure our children's good health and safety. Proper nutrition, safe home and clothing are what they deserved from us.

THE GIFT OF EDUCATION. I remember my dad always told us that the only thing we can inherit from him is our education. Knowledge that cannot be stole by anybody and can be use as a tool in building our future.

THE GIFT OF VALUES AND SELF-DISCIPLINE. Teaching your children strong values is already a true gift from the heart. It will not only make them good citizens but a person who understands discipline.

THE GIFT OF QUALITY TIME. Our children will not be kids forever. They will grow and mature and have their own family too. Each day of their life should be given much value. Being with them all the time will not only increase your family bonding but you can help them build memories.

THE GIFT OF SUPPORT. All children deserve sincere support from parents not only financially but morally and spiritually. Advices and being with them always when problems occur is our way of showing them that we are responsible parents.

DYSFUNCTION

The only consistent feature in all of your dissatisfying relationships is you.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Thinking Outloud Tonight.....

It was 3 1/2 years ago when the bomb dropped on my life. Cancer and divorce all in one giant swoop. I tried to stand strong, but truthfully, my broken heart and the advice of well meaning friends kept me angry and fighting. It wasn't fair. We really lost everything, but eachother. I can live with little. I wasn't raised in grandeur, but when you are fighting to feed your kids....well....there's not much to say.

What makes me different is that I do not choose to teach lessons or hold grudges. There's too much energy laden in that path. It's not my job. Funny, it is also something that my ex-husband had more difficulty with than I when dealing with certain family members of mine. People go through "stuff" and behave badly - I am no exception. When people change their behavior, the fight is over for me. Not so for some of my friends and I understand that, but for me...well....it's about the outcome.

The economy is a disaster. Add divorce to the already dismal mix and all in our shoes are struggling to make ends meet. I am one of the lucky people who has a family that knows that I don't shout out for help unless necessary and when I do, they respond immediately which I am eternally grateful for. Y'see, I do whatever I can before I ask and it is known that I am honest and trustworthy with the payback. I'm proud of that.

I'm also proud that I can see past the ugliness of the past years on behalf of my kids. Yes, there are many that would call me a fool. Okay. But my kids get one shot at being KIDS and I want it to be the very best journey I can provide. I want their dad involved in their life and I want it to be easy.

Their dad is arriving late tomorrow night for a weekend visit. We have a separate bed and bath downstairs that my dear daughter has been preparing all week for the guest. We have a kitchen and a playgound in the neighborhood. We have sunshine and friends and hot air balloons on the horizon in the morning and gorgeous sunsets in the eve. It's home.

I'm proud of them and also of their dad for putting differences aside to make the future brighter.

I hope that this weekend will be as wonderful as the anticipation leading up to it and look forward to posting a positive outcome.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

My Little (BIG) Nephew!!!!

The hardest thing about divorce is losing family. I had a wonderful family and I am no longer a part of that clan. My brother-in-law married this summer and I awaited pictures because I was not invited. My nieces and nephews who I love dearly, I see less and less - soon to be no more as they grow and develop lives of their own. My brother and sisters-in-laws are bonded by blood thus their loyalty stays at home and we hear from them very, very little. We could always count on a holiday, a birthday, a celebration to bring us together, but now, even when it happens, it does not include me. It is amazing how the choices of one person can effect so many aspects of the lives of others. Somehow, when we fight for so many things in this country, we don't spend enough time fighting for our families.

However.....

My kids received a really fun package from their Aunt this week. Now that conferences were over and we had some daylight time, we were able to call and say thank you.

I love my sister-in-law. I miss the family dearly. Perhaps that is part of the reason that being so far away is sometimes easier......being close by and excluded is painful. Y'know, every time I talk to her, which isn't often, she says the same thing through tears. Somehow those very tears make me feel loved and appreciated. I miss her.

Anyway, my dear, wonderful nephew - a scholar and an athlete - is off to college. I missed all of high school and would have been the aunt sitting in the stands cheering him on! This terrific boy is off to Middlebury to study and play basketball and have the time of his life. I'm simply so proud of him! He's a tremendous kid!!!!

Congrats! I love to hear all about every wonderful thing that comes your way! I'm so very proud of you! I wish I could hug you and tell you this myself!!! You are terrific!