We were all taught that divorce is bad. Period. Why? Because we were taught that marriage is sacred. That marriage is the union between two people who are in love (or not yet, in the matter of arranged marriage) under God. And we were taught that God is good and anything away from His grace is bad.
I'm Jewish and I believe that any marriage is worth saving. But I'm also a pragmatic and I have even recommended a couple of friends to go ahead with their decision to divorce their partners. That is because I believe divorce is not always bad.
Worst case scenario for a divorce is spousal abuse. Sure, the couple can go to see a counsellor on that matter. In many cases, however, it is probably safer for the abused spouse to just leave. Here, divorce isn't such a bad thing. It might even save one's life.
Then there is the irreparable difference, unresolved by marriage counseling. There is the cheating spouse that won't work to repair the damage. When the couples don't even talk to each other anymore or can't stand each other anymore perhaps to the point of only wanting to hurt each others' feelings, divorce seems to be the best strategy.
What about children? That's the hardest factor in deciding to divorce. Children do thrive better when their parents are together. I remain, however, a little bit skeptical, especially considering the possible short- and long-term emotional and social effects on children when their parents can't stand each other anymore. Isn't it the childrens right, too, to experience that their parents are happy individuals unrestrained by the state of their marriage? Children thrive better when their parents are happy even when separated, Research supports this fully.
People change. Having spent considerable time with my ex, I can honestly say I no longer recognize this person as the once I married. The words spoken and the overall demeanor, the love and dedication to family, the softness that was one in his heart are gone - not just toward me, but toward everyone. We have nothing in common but for the children we share. Sad, but true. Would this be the case had his heart been willing to do the necessary work to repair his brokenness? I don't know. Counseling was not an option for him. Someone once said something to me that I will never forget, "His level of entitlement is breathtaking." That line sums it all up into one perfectly phrased package.
Was this always the case? I don't know that either. I saw him through a filter that tolerated - and even loved what I now see as fatal personality flaws.
In conclusion, no, divorce is not always bad. There are circumstances where the benefits of divorce exceed its cost. This is, however, not an excuse to make divorce as the feasible exit strategy when things go awry in a marriage. There are ways to resolve dilemmas or problems in any marriage. It only takes courage, patience, and perseverance, and the desire to save the marriage.
I'm Jewish and I believe that any marriage is worth saving. But I'm also a pragmatic and I have even recommended a couple of friends to go ahead with their decision to divorce their partners. That is because I believe divorce is not always bad.
Worst case scenario for a divorce is spousal abuse. Sure, the couple can go to see a counsellor on that matter. In many cases, however, it is probably safer for the abused spouse to just leave. Here, divorce isn't such a bad thing. It might even save one's life.
Then there is the irreparable difference, unresolved by marriage counseling. There is the cheating spouse that won't work to repair the damage. When the couples don't even talk to each other anymore or can't stand each other anymore perhaps to the point of only wanting to hurt each others' feelings, divorce seems to be the best strategy.
What about children? That's the hardest factor in deciding to divorce. Children do thrive better when their parents are together. I remain, however, a little bit skeptical, especially considering the possible short- and long-term emotional and social effects on children when their parents can't stand each other anymore. Isn't it the childrens right, too, to experience that their parents are happy individuals unrestrained by the state of their marriage? Children thrive better when their parents are happy even when separated, Research supports this fully.
People change. Having spent considerable time with my ex, I can honestly say I no longer recognize this person as the once I married. The words spoken and the overall demeanor, the love and dedication to family, the softness that was one in his heart are gone - not just toward me, but toward everyone. We have nothing in common but for the children we share. Sad, but true. Would this be the case had his heart been willing to do the necessary work to repair his brokenness? I don't know. Counseling was not an option for him. Someone once said something to me that I will never forget, "His level of entitlement is breathtaking." That line sums it all up into one perfectly phrased package.
Was this always the case? I don't know that either. I saw him through a filter that tolerated - and even loved what I now see as fatal personality flaws.
In conclusion, no, divorce is not always bad. There are circumstances where the benefits of divorce exceed its cost. This is, however, not an excuse to make divorce as the feasible exit strategy when things go awry in a marriage. There are ways to resolve dilemmas or problems in any marriage. It only takes courage, patience, and perseverance, and the desire to save the marriage.
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