Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Crazy Economy

I'm only too grateful that I bought my home when I did. That said, I'm missing the comfort of a savings in the bank. Please pray for us at this time of need. All prayers are welcome!!:) These are hard times for all!!!!

E Mail lovin'

Hi Mom,
I know that you had a tough day today and I have been trying to make it better.

Love~x billion, million, google, trillion
Sammy
xoxoxoxxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxxoxxooxxoxoxxoxoxxoxxoxoxoxoxxoxxoxxxxxxxoooooooooxxxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooooooooooxxxxxxxxoxoxoxxoxxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxoxxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxoxxoxxoxoxoxxoxoxxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxxoxoxxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxxoxoxoxxoxoxoxxoxoxxoxoxxoxox OH JUST THINK OF THIS THE X AND O's UNTIL THE END OF TIME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I JUST WANTED TO SAY I LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I L*O*V*E U F*O*R*E*V*E*R AND 4 A*L*W*A*Y*S!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I could pick a mother it would be Y*O*U BBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE (BECAUSE)


YOU ARE
___________________________

~1. Pretty (and your)
~2. Smart (and your)
~3. Kind (and your)
~4. WONDERFUL
-----------------------------
-----------------------------
-----------------------------

I also L*O*V*E U because you take care of me when I am sick and you always will be on my side. You give me food and shelter and you would do anything for me because I love you and you love me and you are the sweetest and wonderful and best and greatest and strongest and bravest and anything good person I know.........
-
-

Friday, September 26, 2008

Relax......You Probably Did Something Right Today

You know those days when everything that can go wrong will? They start somewhere before sunrise when a child gets sick in bed and end somewhere after the dog chews up your favorite pair of shoes.

In between, its just a blur and you are sure you are simply treading water to get through, rather than experience, the day.

Finally, there is that wonderful moment when you are hugged and hugged and hugged - unconditionally loved, just because you were there to see the day through.

Thursday, September 25, 2008






When you are the sole boy surrounded by a clan of girls (including the dogs) you just want a tiny piece of turf. Our boy is every bit BOY - trucks, dirt, lizards......fearless and fun. His big birthday wish was a "boy pet" for his room - not a fish or anything easy; something more interesting like a lizard or a SNAKE. Mom said "no!" to the snake - not because I hate them (I actually love them), but because I hate FEEDING them.

A trek to the pet store with the girls today proved me wrong. Some genius has decided to FREEZE the mice so we don't have to witness the slaughter of innocent, furry little creatures that my girls would have wanted to adopt!

On sale today was a MALE baby Ball Python and he returned home from school today to an early birthday present and a new "night light"

At first, he was a bit shocked, then a bit nervous, but after 5 minutes The Boy and "Linny" were new best friends!

Monday, September 22, 2008

I Won the Bet!!!!

En route to school this morning, my birthday girl was feeling a bit lost. The last conversation she has with her dad was harsh!!!!

We have decompressed for days and as of this morning, she was questioning whether she was loved less than her sister.

Of course, I reassured her that was not the case. I, once again, went on a limb to explain what I know to be true. She would have none of it.

So....we made a bet. I bet her a hypothetical $50 that she would have her IPOD at the end of the day - that Dad would come through and proclaim himself a hero. I was laughed all of the way into school this morning.

None the less, the phone rang right after school. The IPOD was ordered and engraved. I know the pattern. Beat me up and bring me flowers! She was almost frustrated that I won the bet - I wasn't because she was smiling.

So the story ends happily. Albeit....we have a lot of therapy to deal with! :) I'll not let this happen again.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

The Dinner Table

From the time my kids were born, sitting down at the dinner table was an important part of our day - as important as reading aloud, tucks in and bedtime rituals.

For awhile, I lost my momentum as a mom. I had no appetite, my taste buds were fried by radiation and, quite frankly, I was suffering a paralyzing depression that afforded me the energy to go to work, deal with the kids, and head off to sleep asap. Such is life when dealt huge blows.

Of course, the kids always has a nutritious dinner and there bedtime story. It was the family time that was lacking.

Well, healed and moving on, sorry for the past and moving forward, we have our tradition renewed. It is such and important time of the day. We sit together - no t.v., no phone, no anything but each other and we process the day, resolve conflict, make plans and just connect.

As we navigate these dark seas, I want to offer out hope. If you asked me 1 year ago where I'd be....I'd have no answer. Even six months ago, I was still caught in the system.

But, sitting down to dinner, seven nights per week, LAUGHING, SHARING and LOVING.....Priceless!!!!!

I'm a LIAR!!!!!!

Kids tucked in, dogs sequestered, I sat outside on the logia and the tears poured. When all is quiet, it bothers me to the core. I want so badly to protect my kids. I want to fix everything in the moment. But, I can't and that hurts and I was faithfully honest until I was alone and given time to reflect on the evening. Then, I realized, I turn it off for my kids and when I turn it on......YUCK!!!! I don't turn it on much - but damn, don't hurt my kids!!!!!!!!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

What is there to say?

Two of my daughters celebrate birthdays this week. One makes sure the world knows about it - weeksandweeksandweeks ahead of time and has a list a mile long of desires, wants and wishes. The other, is more humble about it - wishing to be remembered from the "outside" by others who show her that she is in their thoughts. She waits until asked to share her desires. She wonders about the little surprises that may await.

That said, she also is easily disappointed and brought to anger when she feels forgotten. I get it - I used to be the very same way. My expectations of people were, well......I expected to receive the same "love" I put out there. If someone said they would "call me later" I was offended when later never came.

With maturity and experience; the busyness of life, I lost that trait. I no longer expect anything from anyone and am, quite frankly, surprised when I am remembered, thought about or considered at all!!! :) Such is life raising four kids alone!!!!!

Well, for my beautiful adolescent, life hasn't taught those lessons yet. She is struggling tonight - and has been for a few days with disappointment. Her father can't purchase both birthday gifts at once, but rather than explaining that fact, they have been arguing - the problem, in her eyes, being refocused on her. Oh that I could give her just a piece of the lessons I've learned dealing with this very situation for the past three years!!!!!!!

She is not a "BRAT" as she has been called multiple times in the past few days - just a kid that wants her parents as excited about her big day as she is!!!!!! A kid, that just once, wants to feel that she is remembered and considered and loved unconditionally by both of her parents.

So, I sit here tonight speechless. To say we go through these motions every year is pointless. To try to explain projection and denial - just as worthless. For me to bring up those angry and hurt emotions - backsliding; and quite honestly, I fall into a place of apathy rather than anger now. Heck, I've spent years in therapy trying to understand these things myself and my old, wise person still gets frustrated at times. (Hence the reason I no longer even try to foster the conversations anymore!)

These situations no longer make my blood boil. I am in a good place where I offer my child advice and an unconditional ear - I want her to resolve these conflicts, not remain paralyzed by them. They no longer keep us up until the wee hours and although she had some pretty HARSH words on her lips tonight, she was quickly settled and our house has moved on. In fact, she has already placed a call to discuss her feelings now that the anger has somewhat subsided. She's a faster learner than I ever was!!!!! :)

Really, there is little I can say and her evaluation of the situation was spot on. I just listen and listen and listen and really, that's all that she needs.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

No different,,,

I had one of those epiphanies tonight.
My life is no different now than it was before.
I miss the sharing of an evening t.v. show; perhaps a footrub and definitely the security of knowing that someone else was there, but beyond that......my jobs remain the same.
THAT is a big eye-opener.
I miss the fun times......not the extra work.

I loved being married, but am not sure I'll ever do it again.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I Love....

My new house.
Celebrating birthdays.
Wonderful teachers.
cEven better, friend.
Great food.
People to share it with.
hA good bargain.
A Gift card.
Hugs.
Kisses,
Snuggles in the early morning.
Snuggles whenever.
Stories.
Struggles.
Random visits.
Water.
An good old story.
A hearty laugh.
A playful giggle.
A shared dream.
My own dreams.
Cut outs.
Clean ups.
Clean laundry
Fresh sheets
Flowers.
ICE CREAM!
BOOKS!
The smell of the snuggle with my kids after a bath.
Clean PUPPIES
Puppies in general.
A clean house.
A DETAILED CAR!!!!!
Friends.
Family.

..... to be continued

Friday, September 12, 2008

Friday night.....

We headed out from school today at 3:45 to a check up (and needed shot) for the BOY who has charm, intelligence and integrity for everything BUT shots so we hung in there and dealt with the trauma. Even the nurse had to laugh at the dirty look that followed the needle!!!! Mom truly, had to hide her giggles. SO CUTE!!!!!!

The bottom line - I was there. I comforted the wound. I held the Boy and in minutes, the trauma was over - we were on to dinner.

This is what they will remember. Just being there when it STINGS!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Sweet Tooth

A sweet partner of mine was doing a fundraiser for her volleyball team......selling Otis Spunkmeyer cookie dough by the box for a minimal fee. We all chipped in. My friend Jeannie and I split two boxes among us.

OMG!!!! Was I a HERO tonight at dessert!!!!! So easy - so delicious - so reasonable. Should you ever encounter one of these sales.....JUST DO IT!!!!!! I made eight cookies - already they're asking about tomorrow night.

(I'm thinkin' I can get some great housework done with this motivator!)

The Routine.....

There's one of me.
There's four of them. (Plus two puppies!!!)
It took awhile to regain composure and reestablish a routine that met everyone's needs.
As I've said in earlier posts, my needs are generally met in the early a.m. before I am bombarded with needs and requests, questions and stories, hair and homework, emails and conferences.......oh, the list is endless!!!!!

We awake EARLY - a full two hours before school. The kids know - they are not to emerge before dressed (unless they awake extra early) and beds are made, laundry collected and ready for breakfast. Of course, this is perfection and laden with reminders and redirection, but as they age, it gets better and better.

Following a quick breakfast with lunch boxes in hand, we head out the door. They are not allowed to buy school lunch more than once (OCCASIONALLY twice) per week so while they dress, I prepare breakfast and lunch. We usually leave the house at around 7:30 a.m. as Jammers hits the bus at 8:00 and I need some before school time to organize. My position as a duty aide begins at 8:30 so I lost an extra 40 minutes in the morning. It hasn't been bad.

After school, I also duty aide. Once done, I meet the kids in my classroom - there is NO play allowed until the majority of homework is done. This is the motivator for hard work - in addition, the best time to have my attention if needed for assignments. Generally, we leave school around 5 p.m. - sometimes a little later, but I try to keep to a schedule for their sake. Near 5:30, we enter our home.

At this hour, I start dinner and the little ones start baths and showers. By 6:30, we sit down to a family dinner. This is an important, decompressing time of the day and the t.v. is off, the phone off the hook. The kids set the table and clear. It's one of the times I learn the most about my kids.

By 7:30, the dishes are cleared. There is a bit of time for relaxation before read alouds and tuck-ins.

8:30-9:00, my house is closed for the day. The dishwasher is humming and so too are the washer and drier. Responsibilities complete, we hunker down for another LLOONNNNGGG day ahead.

People often compliment us on our "togetherness." (LOL - for awhile we were anything BUT!) Really, we couldn't function without a clock, a calendar and a routine!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

What it Means to Move Ahead....

There are many people I know, who saw me at my worst. I was a complete mess...admittedly so! Oh, the sadness, the resentfulness, the loss and the fear! Enough said. Those were bad times. I can hardly remember them now - I simply motored through, did what I had to do to get to the next day - made it work.

Some are able to forget those times - to others they define my family and I. It's sad to think that a few weak years redefine a lifetime, but they do. I accept that. I know I have also been guilty of the same!

The bottom line is that, in order to move on, sometimes you have to kiss a loving good-bye to those that hold you in the past. It's a sad time. It should be done with grace, but it rarely is. I've done it AND I've felt it.

In reality, relationships go through seasons. I've had some of the best and continue to cherish those near and dear. I have also had my eyes opened to those that were toxic - damaging to the big picture of life - those people that were really, on the "opposing team," who loved to 'kick me when I was down' just to pick me up. After awhile, it was expected - it got old - my ears got tired. That's a painful, but illuminating lesson.

From those lessons, I have felt empowered - stronger - better able to handle the trials of life and my focus has been regrounded.

We're glad to be where we are now! So glad life moves forward rather than in reverse!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Brute Strength or Adreneline Overload:)

Just after we moved into our home, my five year old did what five years olds do.....within minutes, the master bathtub overflowed (in the 20 seconds I went downstairs to pull a boiling pot off the stove) and we had a proverbial rainstorm in our family room. Of course, water takes the path of least resistance so, through the prewired surround sound outlets and atop our television it poured. The internal components were immediately fried. BUMMER! For weeks now, we have had no family movie nights and shortly following this, the kids "accidently" knocked the loft television off line as well which left us with a twenty-inch screen in the master bedroom for all of our visual entertainment needs.

I inquired about the cost of repair and was sadly informed that the cost of fixing our well outdated big screen would be more than the cost of purchasing a new, low end model. Now, I don't have the funds to do either and after a depressing trek through Best Buy yesterday, I was resigned to the fact that we and our twenty inch screen would just have to make do for awhile. Not the worst thing in the world, but not the best either.

Enter Super Mom. After much internet research and a few failed attempts, I succeeded in rewiring our loft t.v!!!! Filled with a newfound enthusiam, I decided that this t.v. would make it's way to our family room and we would reclaim Friday night at the movies. SINGLE HANDEDLY, I moved the huge, HEAVY, broken set out of the way and carried the other set down, rewired again (now I'm an expert) and we are up and running - FOR FREE!!!!

Admittedly, I'm a bit proud of myself!!!! (and I'm a hero to my kids as well - an added little perk that I'll hold onto for the next bad day!)

Friday, September 5, 2008

Before You Divorce...

Okay....
The wages are FINALLY garnished.
Let me explain what that means.....
The employer has seven days to turn the wages over to the state which now forward them to me - soon to be a direct deposit, but not yet....another 30 days out.
As this just took affect.....we see no money and we have no more to give.
It will take weeks before we are "caught up.
Thus, my mortgage needs to be paid and until next month we are not ahead of the game.
We took our last $50 to purchase weekend food.
Talk about LEAN!!!!!!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Family Vacation.....

We invited dad for the long weekend in Disney in October. We feel great about ir. It is a birthday getaway for the kids and the gift they requested. I love that we can do it. No strings. Just Family time together.

Bedtime

In our house, bedtime doesn't stagger.....we all brush teeth together, potty and get ready for the "read around" The youngest reads to the rest and gets tucked in, the next youngest reads aloud and gets tucked in, the third reads to the two others (they share a room) and the last reads to me. We switch the order - sometimes oldest to youngest - sometimes we start in the middle. It's a beautiful, wonderful family tradition that both serves to meet the read aloud requirement and also join our family tightly before bed. It's a time of day I absolutely covet as a mother because the focus is where it should absolutely be.

Wake and Sleep

I truly do awake at 5 a.m. It's the hour when I catch up on life. I read, correct papers, wander with my cup of coffee - sometimes doze - a lazy,relaxed way to enter the day....It's a cherished time for me - my only time alone. Around 6:30 the house begins to stir and the day hits me head on, right between the eyes. From that moment until about 7:30p.m. we hit work/school, my after school job, homework, house cleaning,cooking, laundry, dishes - it's a whirlwind. Finally, we settle all together for a show or a book or both for a brief few minutes before we hunker down. Mom too. Long day. And tomorrow morning we start all over again........I DO APPRECIATE THE WEEKENDS!!!!!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Election......

Is anyone else having trouble with the fact that this has turned in to an election of VP's rather than P's?!?! Just wondering - late at night.......